Teaser 038: How’s That For Surreal?
“This way.” She reached for my hand, I grasped her hand in mine and we walked past the outdoor pool and beyond the end of the concrete patio, up a slight, barren hill which rose above the patio level. She led me over the hill and we descended until we could barely see the roof.
It suddenly occurred to me, not because I spotted any, but since we had dropped below the view of the house there might be some so I asked, “Do you have cameras placed around the house, Serena?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Curiosity. Most people of your wealth and status do. I was curious.” It was more than curiosity at the peak of my consideration. I was beginning to feel something to which I had not been paying any real attention while I had been very honest so far without regard for possible consequences. I was thinking about it during our walk outside the view of the house.
Serena looked at me innocently. “There are cameras installed, mostly outdoors, and there are some indoors. There are no cameras in the bedroom wing except for the garage. It would be wrong to install cameras there.”
“Agreed. Are they monitored?”
“Twenty-four hours. My husband required it at Ray's insistence.”
“How long has Ray worked for you?”
“Quite a few years now, since we both hired him, my husband and me.”
This was very revealing and I could have used this information a lot earlier to make a few changes in what I said to Serena or anyone else for that matter. Everything the two of us said in the car was heard by Ray. He was right there. And he worked for both spouses? Where did his employee loyalty divide? And the cameras too. Presumably there was a camera in the indoor pool area, where Serena shoved her ass up against me, and on the outdoor pool, where she sat with me for hours, her arms draped around mine. Yeah, hubby, nothin' goin' on here. It was beginning to feel a bit surreal. Serena, of course, had no idea what I was thinking. It was too dark to see my eyes, a good thing. It wasn't good enough. It was going to get even more surreal.
Holding the beer bottle in my left hand, Serena grasped my right so I would turn to face her, and I did instantly. She looked up at me. “I wanted to speak with you privately because I wanted to tell you this. I enjoy your company, Gregory, very much so. You do make me smile and laugh, more than I have in a long time, and it makes me feel good, by itself. But you give me more. You give me attention. You pay attention to me, listen to me, and most human beings would appreciate it, not only a woman. I want you to know you are welcome here, I welcome you here and you may stay here while we work together as long as you like. I will appreciate your company.” She lowered her head briefly and lifted it up. “I think I always will.”
How's that for surreal? The woman to whom I confessed a desire and longing above all others had extended an open invitation to stay with her in her very own, very private home. Well, okay, not so private, with cameras nearly everywhere and a security guard who may be working more for the husband than her. Shit, that makes it even more surreal! It keeps gettin' better and better.
“I may take you up on it Serena, though if I do, I'll probably have to take a break from you every now and then.”
“Why?” Her face, dark yet reflecting the little light available, seemed pure inquisitiveness.
“Did you ever want something you couldn't have? For whatever reason you could never get it, you never had it?”
“Yes, doesn't everyone?”
“Exactly! Everyone has wanted something they could never get, what becomes an unfulfilled desire. Life is pain, Serena, and the pain is from unfulfilled desire and everyone has felt it. The truth is the pain never goes away. It's always there. Something can happen to you to trigger the memory of the pain and, instantly, the pain is as fresh as if it was yesterday. It never goes away. It diminishes in intensity over time, over not having to think about the unfulfilled desire. And it's what I would need occasionally, a break from you, to not see you or hear you, to not sense you at all, to get busy with something, anything, so I'm not even thinking about you. The pain will diminish a little. I can come back to you refreshed, because the moment I see you, the moment I hear you, it starts again. I deal with it. I've dealt with pain from unfulfilled desire all my life. It took me decades to figure it out but I know what it is now and I deal with it. Life is pain and if you're a human being you already know what it feels like. It's what I feel about you, every day.”
She knew exactly what I meant. Serena may project herself as a rough and tough, ballsy woman, but she reeks of empathy. She lifted her right hand to my left cheek and placed it there. “I understand. I don't ever want you to be hurting. You're not the type of man who deserves it, but I do want you to know you have an open invitation here. Stay as long as you like, leave whenever you like. I want you to know as long as you stay, I appreciate your company.”
“Thank you for your offer. Do I have to decide right away?”
“You decide whenever you want. If you continue to stay, you've decided to stay. If you decide to leave, then leave. Please tell me where you're going so I won't worry about you, and you may come back whenever you like. Is this open enough for you?”
“If I leave I would always call first before I came back. I would always want your approval.”
“I would certainly appreciate it and, honestly, Gregory, I would expect it from you. You're not thoughtless. I have come quite easily to that conclusion about you.” Since I made no effort to question her offer further and continued to stare into her beautiful eyes with sincere appreciation, she rubbed my beard. “Good. Now you know where you stand with me.” She smiled warmly, but she also had never released my right hand and still held it in a tight grip, a grip I could feel occasionally tighten and loosen. I thought about what she had said yesterday about her feelings toward me and I kept dismissing it. This is a woman of wealth and fame. I'm not in the same league. Hell, if I'm in any league, it's not even a professional one. It's strictly amateur. Yet, we spent minutes looking at each other, over the surrounding hills, up to the twinkling starlight. Serena snapped the silence. “What are you thinking?”
“Can't you see my eyes?” I teased. It was too dark for her to see my eyes. “You said you can tell what I'm thinking when you look into my eyes.”
“It's too dark for me to see your eyes.” She squeezed my hand gently.
I laughed. “I'm thinking this crazy thought that since I'm not smoking, it would sometimes serve my need for an oral fixation, so I could use an oral fix right now. And I crazily thought, it sure would be nice to have a kiss from a beautiful woman. That would fix it.” I said it, all of it, in jest. Don't get me wrong. I meant every word. I never expected this beautiful woman to kiss me.
Serena immediately released my right hand, practically slapped her hands to either side of my head, pulled my head down as she rose up and planted her lips firmly over mine. Her head swirled and her lips swirled with it over my lips, pushing them around like they were nothing. Her lips opened and I felt them cup my top lip and pull it, my bottom lip and pull it. Being so stimulated, so aroused, I kissed her back, pulling her back, and my arms wrapped around her back and squeezed her and moments flew by and I had no track of time, until it struck me what we were doing. I liked it almost too much, but I pulled my arms from her back, put my hands on her shoulders, my left hand still holding the beer bottle, and pushed her away slightly as I leaned back.
“We can't be doing this, Serena!”
“You don't like kissing me?” She tried to maintain an innocent look. It wasn't genuine.
“I love kissing you, but I know where it leads. I was kidding about the oral fix.”
“Now that I've kissed you I can say I like kissing you,” she stated calmly, trying to maintain her innocence. “But you did say, Gregory, you would stop me, so you are a man of your word.”
“Are you playing with me, Serena?” I asked, my voice a bit raised.
“I'm not playing with you, Gregory. Do you think I'm playing with you?”
“I don't know. It's why I asked. If you are playing with me, Serena, it's just wrong. It's cruel, knowing what you know, but if you're not, well, I know where it will lead, and it's...not good.”
She pulled out the big guns then, because, as I stared across her face and reached her eyes, as dark as it was, I was looking into Serena's bedroom eyes. She sighed, “Please, don't push me away. I want you to hold me, like you've done before.” I could only ignore bedroom eyes once, only because I was still full of pissed-off at that woman. Since I wasn't pissed off at Serena, I couldn't ignore her eyes. I pulled my arms back, even yielded to her arms the outside position, and slipped my arms across her back and pulled her against me. Her head slowly came to rest on my chest under my chin and I felt her left hand rub over my chest, rising and rising. “What would it lead to?”
I sighed. “You know what it would lead to,” I replied, like I was being crushed by a weight I couldn't escape. “Soon, our mouths will be open, our tongues will be tasting, my cock will be hard, I'll slip my hands down over your butt and pull you so tight against me you'll feel it against your hips, and if you don't stop then, if you just leave up the green light, I'll be pulling your clothes off with no going back. We'll cross the honor line.” I couldn't see her face. She kept it buried against my chest, but I could feel her hand as it rose from my chest to my cheek, over my cheek, switch direction toward my mouth. I couldn't know when the time would be appropriate. I thought I had to say it now. I could only whisper it. “Please don't do this.” When her hand reached my lips, she twisted it so only her index finger moved across my lips. She stopped for a moment right in the middle, then moved from one edge to the other. Back now to my right cheek, her hand slipped across my cheek, her head lifted slowly from my chest, and a moment later Serena's lips were pressed against mine, again.
I told you what would happen and it all occurred as I predicted. Hell, I know who I am. I know what I'll do under these circumstances. I have been there and done it so often, it doesn't take any thought from me any more. I did stop after I pulled her so tight against me she rocked her hips against my erection. I released my arms from her back, grabbed her waist and pushed her away. “I can't do this, Serena. I cannot do this. I can't fuck you here, right out here in the open. Shit, you yourself told me there's cameras all over and I don't care if you know they're here or not. I can't do it. I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you, but I can't. Not here. It's fucking wrong.” Our embrace was broken now and I started to step around her to walk back inside. “I need to go to bed and maybe masturbate because I'm so horny.”
I've rarely said something like this to a woman I want to fuck and have no doubts at all as to whether she wants to fuck me. For good reason, since Serena immediately spit, “Don't you masturbate in my bed, Gregory! You will really piss me off!” The look on her face said she meant it. She would really be pissed. There are, of course, other reasons why I don't say the “masturbate” word to these women, but this one works for me.
“All right, all right. I'm going inside.” I walked away from her as quickly as I could. I took about ten or fifteen paces.
“Slow down, Gregory, please! I'm not mad at you.” I wasn't walking so fast because she was mad at me. I was walking away as fast as I could because I thought if I didn't, I'm crossing the honor line and I wasn't ready for it. I'm not ready for it any time, but I slowed to let her short, little legs catch up.
- Just Desserts, Segment Four “Didn’t See That Coming” by Gregory R. Schussele, © 2021
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