Teaser 205: All Parcheesi Rules Councils Discourage Modified House Rules

I whipped out the parcheesi board in the morning. What better way to start a new day than with a rousing parcheesi battle involving a single representative of opposing genders? If you've ever done it you already know the answer. Serena tried to throw off my concentration at times.

“You can't do that!” I exclaimed when she insisted on tugging my appendage when she had knocked one of my pieces back to the start circle.

“You can't stop me!” she postulated.

“It's not in the rules!” I argued, turning on my side because my appendage had been persuaded to grow in girth and rigidity. “It's why we have international rules councils, to encourage fair parcheesi play, not deviation.”

“Shut up and take it like a man, little boy!” Serena baited me. “I've got my eye on the piece of yours ahead and I'm gonna knock it back to start, too.”

“Heartless and cold, all you Mexicans. That's what you are.”

“You gringos are all soft and lazy. You make it too easy.”

“I see we're going to modify this game and play by Serena's house rules.” I rolled the dice for my turn and up came the number I wanted.

“Damn it!” Serena shouted.

“That's right, my esteemed opponent, and this little piggy right here,” and I grabbed Serena's piece on the board after I counted the number to knock it back to the start circle, “goes back to the start market, and under Serena's modified house rules, my esteemed opponent possesses inadequate control over her port of call, where I shall place a call now,” and I reached for Serena's Hidden Valley, “and enter her port of call unfettered, and,” as she struggled to move out of arm's length, “should she struggle in some vain attempt at misinterpreting her own modified house rules, I shall inflict considerable damage upon her port of call in keeping with the Geneva Rules Council's definitive article addressing proper and fair parcheesi play when conducted using modified house rules.”

“All right!” Serena shouted, her struggling movements halted. “Make it short.”

“No, no! You started it. Blame your woman change abandoning you because you're wet!”

“You are so lucky playing this game, Gregory. I can't believe how lucky you are! Oh!

“Hit your sweet spot, did I?”

Because we had ventured into modified house rules for parcheesi, we never did finish the game. This is why all rules councils discourage modified house rules. It often leads to failure in determining a game winner. The intent of rules councils is to encourage parcheesi play, not deviate into uncontrolled, all encompassing sexual intercourse, to list a wildly improbable example.

- Just Desserts, Segment Twenty-SixAn African Experiment Begins” by Gregory R. Schussele, © 2021

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