Teaser 334: I Haven’t Finished My Theory, Yet
“I haven't finished my theory, yet...” It resulted in large laughter. “If these long and convoluted stories keep flowing out of my mouth, we're gonna have to hire a caterer because I don't think Luisa has it in her to fix a meal for more than a hundred people.” More laughter, especially Luisa, sitting in a chair in the hall leading to the dining room. “It has caught up to me in this last year alone. I have married three more women, which is more than most men marry in a lifetime. I've also had to deal with awards, which never thrills me, though general consensus is they are prestigious awards, and I won't argue, but I did enjoy the Oscars this year, because most people weren't paying real close attention, due to my being far more restrained than last time, but I made my point with 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, darn! missed again,' thus rendering all the directors from the Academy wise beyond imagination when they collectively decided I was not the best director, and I won't argue that, either.” More laughter. “Katy saw me do it. 'I don't know why I was watching you...'” More laughter. “She advised me I should be ashamed. You have to know she is telling me this while wearing a huge, facetious grin.” More laughter. “Those two and the Golden Globe and they're all in a special room at AVAP. They're not mine so I don't keep 'em. The one in John's office sits right where it belongs in my opinion. The first light to turn on is the display. The last light turned off is the display. The award sits right where it belongs.” There were many comments and chuckles but I lifted my right hand from Serena's back and waved it lightly. “I can finish this! Bear with me!” More laughter.
“The Master arrives in Los Angeles, the den of iniquity as I advised him to his appreciative laughter. All of Oscars week, when the Springfield Swatters crushed the competition. I certainly enjoyed it, though Kendall and Bokeem didn't, but they got over it. 'Your victory was only a curious anomaly, Al-Barrak.' 'Wanna play another one?' 'No!'” More laughter, especially from Kendall and Bokeem. “Jana's off on her life's pursuit and I take care of her possessions with great help from her brother, because he stayed in Michigan...Tanya's diplomatic bag full of surprises. Now you all know why that wasn't very welcome...A second wedding to the same woman, this time in Germany for the Lutheran contingent, with the groom wearing the same penguin suit as his Best Man, and the second Best Man, and the third Best Man, and the fourth Best Man. Everyone remembers Ken, because I save the best for last, but Ken still cannot grasp how he can be best and fourth simultaneously. With me some things don't add up, as I explained to the greatest actress alive. I am now married four times, thus I have four better halves, plus my half, which equals five halves. The equation which cannot be solved!” More laughter.
“A June wedding made it impossible for me to be in Tibet in the spring, but I nailed it with Tanya. 'The June wedding was your mom's idea, wasn't it?' 'Well, yes, but...'” More laughter as I glanced around the room wide-eyed and my eyebrows raised high.
“Finally, I am in Tibet. Despite the fact the highest of the Chinese bureaucracy knew I was the subject of kidnapping or murder while I was in Tibet, they would not allow Jacob, my most trusted and capable companion, to accompany me. Thus, this put Chodak in a position of providing an unfamiliar security presence, and putting me at greater risk, but I went there anyway because I was compelled. I have thought for years there is something in Tibet for me and me alone and I had to dispatch the persistent thought, one way or the other. I did not know what I was looking for.” All were riveted. “But I discovered it.” No one said a word as I paused momentarily. “I will not share with you what it was and in some cases I may never share it. That's as much as I will tell you right now...I will not reveal all of the details of our mad dash to exit Tibet, though we observed during this mad dash Tibet was rapidly falling apart, and when I called all my wives, I learned the whole world was going to hell, and China in particular. I advised everyone to dump investments because I saw it getting worse and I have been proven right so far. You may ask, 'How did I know?' I saw it. I have visions. I can sometimes see the future, as easily as you can see anything in this room. I have had more of these visions and I tell you it's going to get worse...
“Once Chodak saved me after I had fallen and was swept about a hundred yards until I snagged a limb which held in a fast moving stream, because it wasn't even a river, we walked into Dabaxiang right in the middle of a funeral procession where this woman...” and I pointed to Jinpa, “was sending the lifeless body of her husband off to the next world, should there be one. The widowed don't take very long to attach in Tibet. It's a practice centuries old. The widowed often attach to other family, whether their own or of the deceased, but not always, and the widowed always have the final say. They do it this way in Tibet because they believe in getting on with life, that you're wasting time grieving, and it's easier to get on in life together than separate. It's a profoundly smart way to live, but Jinpa has no family and she wasn't going to be a burden to her dead husband's family, because they all knew, as did Chodak and me, Tibet was rapidly falling apart. Jinpa wanted to go with me. I had to think about it overnight, one of my more restless nights, but I agreed, we arranged a very hasty wedding to satisfy the Chinese and Indian authorities, and we left Dabaxiang, all three of us. What you have also heard, because we couldn't possibly keep it secret since I had talked to all my wives and everyone knew when, is that it took four weeks for us to reach India. We've also explained it took approximately a week to reach Dabaxiang from where the main road ended, so simple math allows you to conclude it took three weeks to reach India from Dabaxiang, a trip which normally should take one week maximum. And all I can tell you is it took that long due to unforeseen circumstances...”
Ken asked, “What circumstances could that possibly be?”
“Unforeseen, Ken, unforeseen circumstances.” There were more comments and there was a sense of restlessness in the room. I raised my right arm again and it grew quiet, but the restlessness persisted. “My compulsion to visit Tibet has proven, to me, to be necessary, because I have been given insight which not only was unexpected but sets my path unerringly in the direction which I can easily predict for the rest of my life.” I turned to Kendall and smiled. He quickly returned my smile while he had been listening raptly though with a firm sense of disbelief. “We will make our movie, Kendall. It will happen and you will be very patient as you have always been patient because you understand completely it won't happen soon, not months, perhaps years, but we will make the movie together.” Kendall nodded in agreement. “It will be the last movie I ever make, though I may appear in some of your movies with a story I approve. I won't rule it out. Instead of movies, what I will be doing mostly is advising the continuing war which will soon engulf the world. It will seem over time to be a series of skirmishes almost everywhere, but let me assure you, it will be a war and the combatants from both sides know the other, at least to some reasonable degree. I will not fight this war. It is not my war. My war was declared this morning. I never declared it, but my adversaries launched the opening salvo, targeting one of my beloved. I will discover these enemies, even though they hide, because they don't want their objectives known. They want everything. They have no limit! But they know you won't give them everything they want willfully, so they use methods of stealth and violence to achieve their ends. I will expose each and every one. Once I expose one, I will choose to do nothing. Instead, I will leave each fate to the rest of the world and allow you to decide. This is how it must be. In the end, peace will ensue and I promise you! It will come with a lot less useless weight and the detritus and the worthless dragging down the rest of humanity. This, also, is how it must be.”
- Just Desserts, Segment Forty-Two “Fata Tempor” by Gregory R. Schussele, © 2021
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